I used to feel sorry for the guys I turned away in bars and nightclubs, hoping that I hadn’t hurt their feelings too much. Until one night when I was being pursued (harassed?), by a blonde surfy-looking Russian bloke with nice arms and a boyishly cute smile. Sure he told me I was pretty and wanted to buy me a drink. But he also wanted to dance a little too close for comfort and eventually I had to get rid of him. I would have felt pity for the dude had I not turned around five minutes later to see him with his tongue down another young lady’s throat.

Ladies, a bar may not be the best place to start when looking for a decent guy. It may seem like it – there aren’t that many places where you find a bunch of single young people in an environment that encourages “mingling”. However too many guys are out looking for just one night’s fun, probably because there are too many girls willing to facilitate this. Sure there’s an exception to every rule, but I’m thinking that about 99% of the time they expect much more than they deserve for the mere price of a drink.

 

Now I’m no man-hater. Most men can’t know any better, with popular culture constantly feeding them the message that women can be used and discarded while ultra-feminists tell us that this is what our liberation and equality looks like. How then, do we find good men?

Methinks that we start by being the type of woman that will attract the type of man we’re after. If you want honesty and sincerity in a guy, develop these qualities yourself. If you want a guy who stares into your eyes, you might want to avoid that neckline that almost reaches your navel.

As well as all this, insist on the respect that every woman deserves from a man. Society’s dictates don’t call on gentlemen to tip their hats at passing ladies or give up seats on the bus anymore, but most men still have it in them if it’s demanded of them. I’ve experienced male friends paying for my coffee or meal, swapping sides with me to walk on the side of the footpath next to the road, and stopping their usual swearing in my presence. Chivalry is not dead, and we as women can reawaken it!

So a bar may not be the best place to look for chivalry, especially amongst all that alcohol and darkness. You’d be better off meeting new people through friends or through a common interest (e.g. a sports club, photography class, work).

 

Tamara El-Rahi is an associate editor of MercatorNet. A Journalism graduate from the University of Technology Sydney, she lives in Australia with her husband and two daughters.