The other night my mum mentioned a wedding that she attended. She had been surprised to find out that the mother of the bride had no idea what the wedding dress looked like beforehand, and was similarly clueless as to the menu. Was this normal? Personally, I’d want my mum’s opinion, and even if I didn’t, she’d still be in the loop. Not only her – I would be calling on my sisters and friends too. But this got us talking about how weddings have evolved in recent decades.
A generation or two ago, the whole wedding was usually planned by the parents of the couple, while these days, it’s the couple themselves. This isn’t a bad thing in itself, and potentially stems from a couple of things: the fact that now the couple finances the wedding rather than their parents, and because people are marrying a lot older than they used to.
According to a recent article, more Australians are waiting until middle age to tie the knot. A lot of them are in long-term relationships and often already living under the same roof, but are taking their time in order to both save up for the day and also make sure that they’re with the right person.
I’m not really a fan of this waiting game. This attitude of putting off marriage to save for the wedding – if you think about it, it’s almost like you’re forgoing the depth of the relationship for the sake of one day. Shouldn’t a relationship be geared towards sharing your life with the other person rather than this? Also, when does it stop? You could be saving for a basic wedding now, but as time goes on, you may as well add more inclusions that you’d like, or get distracted by the other events of life. No wonder more people are getting hitched in their forties!
As for making sure you’re with the right person, I have a couple of thoughts. One – you’ll never really know: no one is going to drop from the sky and confirm that you have chosen the right spouse! At some point, you have to choose to love them, commit to them and take that leap of faith, so you may as well do it two years in rather than after 10 years. And two – if you’re figuring this out while living with them, you might have to think again, since the statistics show that couples in de facto relationships experience a higher rate of divorce after marriage.
What do you think? Should couples put off marriage for these reasons?